Funeral
by Chairmanz Fluffy
Summary: The Sailor Scouts will have to deal with an evil far greater than anything they've fought before.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**

 **I haven't seen an episode of Sailor Moon because it's anime and anime is for nerds.**

Usagi sat in class as the teacher recited his endlessly practiced lecture. Usagi wasn't a good student as she could never listen past the haze of depression brought on by her medication. Throughout the day, she was in a disassociated trance-stuck in an internal layer of self. She peered through her eyes at her surroundings like one would look out a dirty window at their front yard.

"You think this is a fucking joke?!" the teacher screamed.

Anyway, Usagi looked out the window to see the Sailor Signal in the sky. She needed to leave class to wherever or whoever needed her help. She raised her hand.

"Excuse me, can I get a drink of water?"

"I've been working at this job for longer than you've lived! I deserve respect! Don't you think I want to take a drink?! But I don't get up in the middle of my lecture and leave; I stay and finish it because that's what an adult does!" the teacher yelled in an environment unfamiliar to him.

Usagi, now Sailor Moon, now one block closer to the place she needed to be, met up with Sailor Pluto.

"Hey, Sailor Moon! I've been listening to Arcade Fire's first album! It's great!"

"Is it Bob Marley?"

"It's Bob Marley, but let me tell you about this Arcade Fire album. While the mixing is a little off, it's amazing! My favorite song is Crown of Love. Me and my boyfriend just broke up, so I can really relate to it."

"Are you really glad you did?"

"I think I'll check out other Arcade Fire stuff now. I've heard of them, but I never listened, and I'm really glad I did!"

"I have crippling social disorders and I need therapy?"

Just then, after reaching town square, Bob Marley bounded through traffic at the Sailor Scouts with his arms flailing. He was out to kill. He was no longer human, and any semblance of decency was erased from his soul.

Sailor Mars came in from the top of the screen and Dive Kicked(tm) Marley.

Marley hit the pavement and flew into the air and landed on his feet.

"What's your game?!" shouted Sailor Mercury.

"I'm holding the members of Arcade Fire hostage until I get a payment of a billion dollars," spat Bob.

"You sick bastard!" Sailor Pluto retched.

Sailor Pluto grabbed the assassin's Glock 17, and aimed right for Marley.

"Oh no, man!" Bob Marley whispered.

*blam*

Bob Marley dodged

*pow*

Bob zigged

*plow*

Bob zagged

*kablamo*

The final bullet was released and embedded itself in the face of the terrorist. You could say that we don't need to worry anymore, and we can finally be happy.

"I'm the main singer of Arcade Fire, and I'm just so happy that all of you 14-year-old girls wearing mini-skirts could save me. In fact, I'm so happy, that we're going to play all of our hits right here, right now!"

An orchestra appeared, ready to play all of Arcade Fire's best songs. Everyone was just so happy. They played for hours, and at the very end, the front man grabbed the microphone.

"I've had such a good time tonight."

The audience cheered and clapped.

"But I want to ask a question to the creepily-underdressed middle school girls from earlier. I know it's dangerous for me to say this because all of the enemies I have on the street, but I believe in you guys, and I just want to ask if you could get Neutral Milk Hotel back together. It would make the world safe from all of the evil. Is that possible for you guys to do?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Did you ever hear Funeral, Sailor Mars?"

"Yeah, I think I did a year or two ago."

"What was your favorite track?"

"I mean, it was a while ago. I can't really remember the songs very well."

"Was it Crown of Love?"

"Which one was that again?"

"It's the one where he talks about the crown of love."

"No, I think I liked the one after that where the choir was singing the chorus."

"You mean Wake Up?"

"Yeah, that must have been it."

And with that, the Sailor Scouts finally arrived at Louisiana. They landed right next to Jeff Mangum.

"Excuse me, are you Jeff Mangum?" Sailor Moon politely asked.

"Yes," Jeff replied.

"Can you get Neutral Milk Hotel back together? We were sent by Win Butler."

"Oh, sure, let me do that."

Jeff pulled out a button and pressed it and all of the Neutral Milk Hotel members were there.

"Jeff, why have you summoned us?" Julian asked.

"We need to help Arcade Fire," Jeff turned his attention towards the Sailor Scouts and said "Young ladies, where are Arcade Fire right now?"

"They're in Tokyo," Sailor Moon replied.

"How will we get their in time?" Jeff asked.

"I'll help!" Danny Brown screamed as he suddenly appeared riding a magical Adderall bottle.

Everyone got onto the Adderall bottle and they flew to Japan. All evil was eliminated, causing the natural balance of the universe to be disturbed. God wept as the his children died, one-by-one.

But everyone was fine and all the bands were together and it was great.

God bless each and every one.


End file.
